How I can tell my husband loves me


Me: Why didn't you tell me I was so gray?

Husband: I tell you you're great every day.

Me: No. Gray.

Husband: That's what I said. Great.

Me: GRAY.

Husband: Yes, great. You're great baby.


I can wear THIS and he still wants to have sex with me.


Husband: It's time to go.

Me: Hold on, I need to find my keys.

Husband: They're in my pocket.

Me: OK well let me grab my phone.

Husband: It's in my pocket.

Me: I've gotta find my chapstick.

Husband: It's in my pocket.

Me: I need my electronic cigarette.

Husband: It's in my pocket.

Me: I can't find my shoes.

Husband: They're in my hand.


He knows I used to look like this and doesn't care.


Me: <having meltdown> Mother fucker! I can't roll my hair. The damn things won't stay in!

Husband: Sounds like you need an aircraft mechanic. <rolls hair perfectly>


Me: What kind of girl am I. I can't paint my own fucking toenails.

Husband: Sounds like you need an aircraft mechanic. <paints nails perfectly>


Me: I'm gonna go slip into something a little more comfortable. <puts on onesie. at 10a.m.>

Husband: <smiles. shakes head. only judges silently>


Getting dressed to do yard work...

Me: Do I look like a moron?

Husband: No. Just a Mormon.