This past weekend the family and I went up to Austin to visit with my husband's cousin. She's a nice girl who lives on an estate with, like, at least a thousand little donkeys. Most of them are full grown but they're fun sized, no bigger than a baby regular donkey.

Here are some things I bet you didn't know about fun-sized donkeys:

  • If they kick you, it will still break the shit out of your leg.
  • They are as cute as a bug in a rug.
  • They make a very unattractive noise that immediately makes them less cute.
  • It's creepy when twenty of them surround you.
  • If you see a baby donkey you will want to bite it because it's so cute.
  • Donkeys warn other donkeys when there are visitors. It makes you wonder what they're hiding.
  • There are such a thing as show donkeys for the really sexy ones. These donkeys get special places to live indoors and the rest sleep outside with the other ugly donkeys. Just goes to show it's all about looks.
  • The donkeys I met were really polite yet mysterious.
  • The girl donkeys are separated by size. What this means is the fat girls all live together and the slim girls all live together. If a skinny girl gains weight, guess what? They move her fat ass over to the other field. Another fat girl voted off the island.
  • Donkeys do not discriminate based on the color of ones fur.
  • The donkeys didn't bite us, but they did bite each other, and have you seen the size of their teeth? It makes you never want to piss off a donkey.
  • If they didn't make that noise, I would consider befriending a donkey and dressing it up.
  • My husband will not let me have a donkey with it's voicebox taken out.
  • If you meet a donkey and you aren't nice to it, if it ever sees you again it will remember and kill you.

Do you know any more facts about donkeys that I've left out? If so, please enlighten me. I live to expand my knowledge to the expert level. And anyway, what else is there to do?

Sexy. Mysterious. Seductive.

Sexy. Mysterious. Seductive.