Baby daddy mysteries solved

Kids these days are lame. When I was a kid, we were awesome and we knew everything. For instance, I was watching the Young and the Restless the other day and my kid was eavesdropping, because even though he says those shows are dumb, he knows a little too fucking much about Victor Newman to say that with any authority.

Anyhow, he manages to cease his PS3 activity long enough to pivot around and say, "UH...how does she not know who her baby's daddy is? Like...is she DURRRHHH or what?"

I had to laugh. Seriously kid? You don't know about serial fornicaters yet? When I was his age, the little bitches that lived in the house behind me had already taught me about sex, curse words (including the c-word), and I'd seen a real life vibrator by then. For whatever reason, my parents hadn't thought it beneficial to install a stripper pole in our house like theirs had.

I like that my son doesn't know about these things yet, though, because that means I get to be the one to tell him. I'd rather do it than leave it in the hands of some ten year old heathens, who, by the way, were totally wrong about orgasms. That shit does not just happen when a boy looks at you, or when you share a Big Red. Imagine my disappointment.

By now my son has learned that if he asks a question he will get a straight answer, albeit PG rated. He'll walk away with appropriate knowledge of the subject without all that pesky imagery. Most of the time he'll ask me if he's going to regret having asked. Most of the time I say yes, just to give him an escape. On the subject of the baby's daddy though, he actually wanted to keep going.

"How is that even a thing?" he asked, not understanding that some women are hos.

"Well... " I started.

He interrupted. "No, wait. I get it."

"What do you get?"

"She was probably asleep when it happened, and I guess she's a heavy sleeper. And the guy didn't leave a note."

I just nodded my head and wondered what that would be like. You wake up pregnant and you're all like...what the fuck....they didn't even have the decency to leave a note!

"Well am I right?" He feels he's done a remarkable job, I can tell.

"You definitely get points for creativity and deductive reasoning."

"Pft. I knew it."