New species discovered in Central Texas

If you were ever under the impression that we've discovered every species there is to know about in this world, you are so off the mark.

There are many awesome advantages to living in Texas. For one thing, all the food comes on bigger plates and contains jalapenos. Secondly, you can make any restaurant food on your own grill in the backyard. Thirdly, if a girl doesn't drink beer and shoot guns she's not good matin' material. Fourthly, the yards are big.

Some yards are big enough to have a deer feeder in order to observe the local wildlife. Texas wildlife includes, but is not limited to, deer, raccoons, skunks, possums, foxes, bunnies, Big Foots, big cats, mean fucking hogs, and other fun animals.

My friends have a deer feeder in their yard with a camera attached so they can catch up on what they missed when they were asleep. One night it seems they missed A LOT LOT LOT.

In these never before released images, a new species has been discovered traipsing the Texas landscape. It is not yet known if this species is dangerous or carries any disease. We are recommending that if you live in a region where this species might nest that you do not attempt to approach it or make it a pet. We've found it best to leave beer a minimum of 100 yards away and under no circumstances feed the animal, as you may find it on your porch when you leave for work in the morning.

Observation of the species indicates that it is somewhat pragmatic, as it is able to understand the need for footwear. That being said, the mask and free presentation of its genitalia suggest it could be a closer cousin to man than originally suspected (images of genitalia have been blurred to protect the innocent).

Until now a species of this nature was just a myth, or a tall tale, but as you can see we have much to learn about the world we're living in. The beast has been dubbed Homo Noerectus, and is considered to be dangerous until further studies may be conducted. In the meantime, we advise that you keep all small children and house pets indoors beginning at dusk, and possibly even footwear (sized 10 or larger).

Be ever vigilant my friends. Until next time...