The many uses for chilled lady bits

Have you seen these cars with air conditioned seats yet? Call me a backwoods hillbilly, but I just recently had my first experience sitting in one myself. This was a feature my husband insisted upon when buying his new truck. Texas summers require chilled reproductive organs. Apparently.

We were on our way to a friend's house when he got all giddy and said, "Check this out!" He pushed the magic button and within seconds I was overcome with a sensation much like when you pop a piece of mint gum in your mouth. Warm vagina? Ice it up!

With each passing minute, the seat got colder and colder, though. My underthings became downright chilly and quickly reaching temperatures of Arctic proportions. That's when I realized how useful this little feature could be, even once you've exited the vehicle.

Friend: Damn! I forgot to get ice.

Me: No need to panic. I brought my vagina.

Friend: This coffee is way to hot to drink.

Me: Let me see it. I have my vagina handy.

Friend: Oh my God, somebody's breaking in the house!

Me: No problem. I'll just stab him with an icicle from my vagina.

Friend: Our air conditioning's been out for weeks.

Me: Well here, ya'll just gather around my vagina.

Friend: Oh darn. Looks like a cold front's blowing in.

Me: Oh, sorry, no, that's just the cold breeze coming off my vagina.

Friend: Now honey, don't put that goldfish too close to Journey's vagina. You know what happened last time.

Friend: I've always wanted to go to Alaska.

Me: You'd better hurry up. This is the final boarding call for the cruise around my vagina.

Friend: When did you open a snow cone stand?

Me: When I discovered I could power it with my vagina.

Friend: Has anyone seen my Flick?

I slay me.